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13 December 2011 @ 02:52 am
The Time Machine TARDIS  
Title: The Time Machine TARDIS
Rating: PG
Fandoms: Doctor Who; Warehouse 13
Characters: Doctor/River, H.G. Wells(/Myka Bering) with appearances from the entire Warehouse gang.
Spoilers: None specific, but up to all canon. I imagine this in a perfect AU for Warehouse (HG is revived, joins the warehouse,) and set at a time period where both River and the Doctor know why she's in Stormcage but you could read it without that knowledge, I think.
Summary: River picks up H.G. to prove the Doctor wrong, and mayhem ensues. River and H.G. get stranded in the TARDIS and must repair it as The Doctor tries to help from Warehouse 13.

Notes: So... this happened. I don't imagine the HG/Myka and River/Doctor shippers crossover a lot, but I fell a little in love with this idea and went with it. Why not? River Song and H.G. Wells in space sounds like a pretty good TV show to me. ;)

"H.G. Wells was not a woman," the Doctor scoffs as he and River exit the TARDIS. Victorian London surrounds them and almost immediately a shaggy dog that hasn't been washed recently (or ever,) shakes right next to the Doctor and soaks him in what is hopefully water. The Doctor grimaces.

"Right. That's why I haven't been here in awhile."

River is already leaning over the dog, petting him and cooing at him. The Doctor rolls his eyes. "You're only delaying the bet," he says, not at all confident anymore. After all, River may be an excellent bluffer but actually bringing him to meet H.G. Wells it a bit far for a lie.

"I still can't believe you've never met H.G. Wells," River says, not indulging his accusation.

"All of time and space," he says, following her down alleyways. "I can't be expected to meet everyone."

They turn the corner to an alley that is nearly black in the darkness of the night. A loud growl echoes across it. Immediately River has her gun in her hand and waves an arm for the Doctor to say back. He takes out his screwdriver and steps beside her, lighting the alleyway with a flash.

In the flash a hairy face turns to stare at them, and then is upon them before either can react. Another flash of light emits from the other side of the alleyway, and with a howl the creature falls to the ground.

The alleyway lights up impossibly fast to show a woman standing over the creature. She's grinning and holding a device that looks like a thin torch in one hand, and some type of gun in the other. "River Song. I didn't think I would be graced by your presence again."

"Helena G. Wells," River grins back. "Werewolves, really?"

"Of course not." Helena pulls a black pouch out of her pocket and carefully uses it as a glove to pull a necklace off the creature. She secures it in the bag and turns her head as it fizzles and pops before calming down. "Menzies' pendant," she explains. The "werewolf" begins to lose all its fur, reverting to a normal man.

"What is that, a torch?" the Doctor asks, scanning it with his screwdriver.

She smiles. "I invented it. It's far more convenient than your average gas-lighting device. If you click here-" she pushes a small, unnoticeable button and the torch's fire goes away. She pushes it again and the fire returns, "it activates the gas as well as the spark. But I don't think I know you."

"I'm the Doctor. River's friend."

"Ah, she told me about you. You didn't say he was handsome."

The Doctor frowns. "Why does no one say I'm handsome?"

"It gets obscured when you get to know him," River explains. "The Doctor didn't believe me when I told him you were a woman."

"Ah," she smiles knowingly. "H.G. Wells, a woman. What an improbable truth. My brother is the face of the operation, but I am the brains, no matter how much of a heretic that makes me."

He likes her immediately. "Heretics can be fun."

"That's what I have been saying," she agrees. "I need to drop this off at the warehouse." She looks down at the man lying between them. "And I need to explain to Mr. Smith here that he's just had a little too much to drink. I'll meet you at my home for tea?"

"Of course," River agrees. The Doctor stares at her even as he follows her through London and leaves the strange woman behind.

"What's the warehouse and why don't I know about it?"

"All of time and space," she repeats, "you can't know everything."

He huffs. "That pendant is something I should know about."

"Helena works for Warehouse 12. They collect artifacts with properties like what you saw. I've helped the Warehouse out on occasion, when a stronger eye was necessary to the collection of an artifact. They're all fascinating, really, and the Warehouse is amazing. One place with so much history and power stored-"

"Blah, blah, blah. Archeologist. You used time travel and cheated," he translates.

She smirks. "Well, I suppose if you want to call it that."

"I'm going to take your vortex manipulator away from you one day. It isn't the way time is meant to be traveled."

"But you got so angry when I borrowed the TARDIS."

He flusters. "Borrow implies that you asked beforehand and didn't just leave me stranded!"

"Oh, I left you stranded at a spa." She waves him off. "Did you prune up?"

"That's not the point!"

"You can't have it both ways, dear. Either you share the TARDIS, or I use my vortex manipulator."

They reach a house and River enters it without knocking. A maid nods to her, and the Doctor wonders just how much time River has spent working with the Warehouse and Helena. After sitting in Helena's library and perusing her book collection (full of fiction that's closer to the truth than the truth could ever hope to be,) Helena arrives back home.

"Mother?" a quiet voice squeaks. A girl, who must have been hiding, moves from the shadows of the staircase of the house and down the steps to her.

Helena frowns. "Christina, you should have gone to bed hours ago."

The young girl rubs her eyes and clings to a teddy bear. "I wanted to make sure you were home."

Helena sighs and gets on her knees, wrapping the girl in a hug. "I'm home. Now, it is time for bed." She kisses Christina on the forehead before releasing her. "I know I've been gone quite a lot lately. How about tomorrow you and I have a day all to ourselves?" The girl's face lights up and she nods her agreement before quickly running back up the stairs to bed.

River wipes a hand over her eyes. "River?" he asks quietly, so only she can hear.

She shakes her head. "In a year's time Christina is murdered. Helena... it breaks her."

Before they can discuss it further Helena sees them and smiles as she walks over. "Now that everything's sorted, what can I do for you, River?"

"Me? I was just proving a point," River says, in a way that makes the Doctor question her immediately.

Helena shakes her head. "You never could resist that."

"You too?" the Doctor asks.

"I once got a fact about Michelangelo wrong so she pulled me back in time to prove it," Helena says. The Doctor coughs.

"You- you what? You brought her with you? Through time?!"

"I always knew time travel was a possibility," Helena shrugs, "I just cannot work out the mechanics of it. River wouldn't indulge me with the information."

"Actually," River says, "I thought as long as we're here with Helena, why not take her for a ride?"

"A- what? What is going on here?"

"In the TARDIS?" Helena asks, her whole face lighting up.

"Well last week I was searching for an artifact," River explains, "but I'm having trouble finding it. It seems to have been misplaced on another planet, long story. Would you like to help?"

"How could I refuse?" Helena asks. "I would say just let me tell someone that I'll be away, but that won't be true, I suppose. I'm ready whenever you are."

"Excuse me," the Doctor interjects. "Are you hijacking my TARDIS? Again?!"

"Of course not," River says, looking offended at the very idea. "You're coming with us too, dear."

"Oh I am, am I?"

"The planet the artifact is on has a unsolvable puzzle."

He crosses his arms over his chest. "No such thing."

River smirks. "I thought you might say that." She claps her hand, and the TARDIS becomes visible in the corner of the room.

"What- how did you-" the Doctor groans. "Stop that!"

"After you, Helena," River opens the doors and waves her through. She nods, and lets out a cry of pure delight at the inside of it. "Is this another dimension? Amazing! Oh, how physicists would roll over themselves to see this. Doctor, you must tell me more!"

River moves over the console to drive the TARDIS as the Doctor is appeased by Helena's questions. She's brilliant, one of the best minds the human race has to offer, and even he can't resist that. It's going to be a hell of an adventure.

Almost immediately after they take off, the TARDIS shakes and jolts. "What did you do?!" The Doctor demands. They're all thrown around like rag dolls, not just around the console but to the doors that are flung open. When River lifts her head she sees the sky and the ground close by and worse, she can just make out the blur of Warehouse 13 as they approach it. This was not her intended destination, and she needs to know what the TARDIS is playing at.

The Doctor and Helena have both been thrown further than her, and she knows in the next second they'll be out the door and on the ground. She does the only thing she can do. She grabs Helena tightly around the waist and pulls her back, watches the Doctor's wide, questioning eyes as he falls to the ground. He's fine, but the TARDIS is rattled and jumps away. River manages to get to the doors and shut them, but is immediately thrown to the ground again.


"We're in a temporal storm," River yells back. It's a guess, but her authority is what Helena needs right now. "The only thing to do is wait it out."

"And I thought the Warehouse was the most fun one could have!" she yells. She grins, her hair has long since come out of its perfectly put-together bun. River grins back.

"I am glad to have you back, Helena!"

"And the Doctor?"

River shakes her head. "I'm sure he's making new friends. Or enemies. We'll get him as soon as we can. Hold on!"

River clasps Helena's hand in her own and holds on as they continue to shake and shift. She's only been in one other temporal storm, but it wasn't pretty. Helena smirks. "Are you sure you didn't just want me alone?" she yells out over the noise.

"Please Helena, you know me. Since when am I subtle?"

"You consider this subtle?" Helena waves her free hand around to highlight the absolute chaos of the TARDIS. As she does they finally stop with a hard jerk, and the lights go out.

"Stay here," River tells Helena as she helps the other woman to her feet in the darkness. River knows the way to the door even in complete blackness. She opens the door slowly, carefully, makes sure she isn't about to kill them by blasting them out into space or a hostile culture. When she opens the door, there's only sand for miles around them.

Helena leans against the door and stares out at the sand. She doesn't look even slightly fazed.

River says, "Let's get to repairing, shall we?"

An hour later River has the TARDIS' lights back on and is under the control panel determinedly rewiring it to get its power back. Helena is helping where she can, but this version of Helena, no matter how brilliant, is from the 19th century and she's learning the technology even as she works with it.

"River," Helena says after a moment, "why did you keep me on the TARDIS?"

"What do you mean?" River looks away from her to rewire another part of the TARDIS.

"There was a choice. You chose to hold onto me and not the Doctor. Why?"

"You know I can't resist a girl's night out with you," River says, smiling over her shoulder at Helena.

Helena narrows her eyes. "I won't be swayed by flattery. The Doctor is brilliant, you've told me all about him. You're brilliant. If someone has to leave the malfunctioning alien spaceship for a little while, it should have been me."

"I couldn't leave you on your own in a foreign-"

"Please," Helena cuts across her lie. "You know I'm more than capable of watching after myself."

River sighs and swings back to face Helena. It's times like this that she hates that inquisitive mind and the infallible logic that will likely pull apart any lie she bothers coming up with. She isn't sure what year they were in exactly, but she knows she saw a 20th century car parked in front of Warehouse 13 and she knows Helena will eventually work there. She doesn't know the future version of Helena was there, but she can't risk it.

"There's a reason but I cannot tell you."

"See? Was that so difficult?" Helena asks. River rolls her eyes and groans as Helena smirks at her.

"You are impossible, you know that?"

"I am told that quite often," Helena agrees.

"Oh, the Doctor will love you when he gets to know you," River says.

"Thank you."

"It wasn't a compliment."

"Yes, it was," Helena retorts. River groans.

"I should have let you fall out," River says.

"But then however would you have fun with your secrets?" Helena asks. River laughs and shakes her head, muttering under her breath about how impossible Helena is as she continues to fix the TARDIS.

After another moment the lights of the TARDIS turn on and Helena cheers in approval. "Is it up and running then?"

River moves to flip a few switches on the console. The TARDIS begins to jerk, and then stops and all noises shut down. She frowns.

"You got the light back," Helena says helpfully.

"I've never seen her this bad," River murmurs, more to herself than Helena. She places a hand flat on the panel in front of her. "What's wrong?"


"Hello, Doctor."

When the Doctor lifts his head from the dirt its currently planted in, he sees H.G. Wells looking down at him with a smirk. Unlike the Helena he just left in the TARDIS this one is dressed in 20th century clothes and has her hair down.

"Right. This is where you are in the future, that's why River kept you in the TARDIS." He looks around. "Where are we?"

"Clever, just as I remember you. You know, I hated you for years."

"You wouldn't be the first," the Doctor replies. He gets on his knees and sniffs the sand that the TARDIS flew over. "Temporal residue."

"I couldn't understand how someone I love so dearly could be so selfish," she says.

The Doctor looks up and blinks. "Helena, I'm flattered, but we've only just-"

She rolls her eyes. "I was talking about River."

He coughs. "Right. Yeah. Me too."

"River knew so much, and you, you knew more than even she did. I couldn't understand the selfishness behind two people having so much power while I tried to rewrite time and save my daughter only to fail. I was sure if only I could gain access to that technology then surely I could adapt it to my needs."

He gets to his feet and whirls around to face her, rubbing a few pieces of sand off his nose as he does so. "I had a friend who tried to rewrite time to be what she wanted once. Nearly ended the universe. ...Again. Time can be rewritten, but it often shouldn't be."

Helena stares at him for a moment, then sighs and bows her head slightly. "I know. Learned it the hard way, but lesson learned. Now, welcome to Warehouse 13. Come on, you have quite a lot to do I think."

"I do?" he asks.

"Ah, I'm not supposed to tell you. I was given very specific instructions," she says.

"By who?"

"Spoilers," she replies with a smirk. The Doctor groans.


"I can help, you know," Helena says, leaning over the railing of the TARDIS to watch River continue to tinker with wires. "If you would just take a few moments to explain this machine to me."

"You electrocuted yourself," River says, tugging at more wires.

"Once!" she counters indignantly. "Honestly, electricity's use is only just being conceived by Edison and Tesla in my era. I was just curious about the voltage transfer available."

"I can't explain it."

"I could learn-"

River sighs. "No, I didn't mean that. I meant I actually can't explain it. Everything I do with the TARDIS is intuition. She... talks to me."

River doesn't need to look at Helena to know the woman is staring at her with narrowed eyes. "River, you have stretched my incredulity quite a lot today, and I have allowed it. Surely you can't expect me to think this machine lives."

"It's more complicated than that, but yes. The matrix of the TARDIS isn't just nuts and bolts. It's much more."

Helena strokes her hands along the railing of the TARDIS curiously. "Honestly, will you ever stop surprising me?"

"I hope not," River says. "And if I do, won't that be surprising?"

Helena snorts. "Very true. River, what happens if you can't fix the TARDIS?"

"We float out in time and space until we die."

"Ah. So, the usual more or less."

"More or less," River agrees. She glances up at Helena. "Come on, I'll explain what I can of the wiring."

Helena grins.


When Helena tries to sneak the Doctor into the Warehouse, she's surprised to come face-to-face with Myka, Pete, Claudia and Artie. They all stare. She stares back.

"Have they changed the meaning of a secret entrance then?" the Doctor asks. "They did that once. Very confusing. People were popping out of the most obvious spots yelling surprise, nearly ruined hide and seek forever."

Myka moves her head to the side as she often does when something is completely baffling. "Helena, who is this?"

"A friend," she says quickly. "He needs use of our facilities."

"And you were worried about me not reading the handbook," Pete interjects helpfully.

"Uh," Claudia says.

"I let you back into the Warehouse and you bring a complete stranger - a possible spy - literally through the front door?!" Artie yells.

"He's not a spy," Helena says. "I thought you all were out," she adds, as if that makes it better.

"We were going to be, but Pete forgot his backup login card again," Myka says.

"Right," Pete agrees. "Then Claudia said she would get a cool little chip installed on it so that it would beep when I leave it at the Warehouse-"

"And Artie gruffed and huffed and say, 'Not without my permission you won't!" Claudia says, mimicking him.

"So Artie came back too and I-" Myka begins, then she stops. "Wait. You were sneaking him in?"

"Well, in a manner... yes."

"You what?!" Artie yells.

"Snuck me in," the Doctor says slowly. "Aren't you following along?"

Artie glares at him.

"The Doctor will be given whatever he needs."

"Oh god!" Pete jumps at Mrs. Frederic's sudden appearance. "Mrs. F you have to stop-" He sees her look. "I mean, good job... sneaking up. Yay!"

Mrs. Frederic looks back to the Doctor and bows her head to him. He blinks in surprise, his mind racing, before her face settles in his memory. "Ah! Irene! How long has it been?"

"Too long, Doctor. To what do we owe this pleasure?"

Pete looks over at Myka and silently mouths, “pleasure?” with his eyebrows raised in question. She shrugs back helplessly.

"Ah," the Doctor waves his finger through the air. "Funny story. See, the TARDIS seems to have malfunctioned and-"

"You lost it?" Mrs. Frederic assumes.

He purses his lips. "Well, not in so many words I didn't lose her. I just-"

"Lost her," Helena fills in. The Doctor narrows his eyes at her.

"How much time have you spent with River?" Obviously badgering is contagious.

"Doctor," Mrs. Frederic brings him back from the rant.

"Yes. Right. So. I need to set up a signal to track the TARDIS across space and time."

"And the TARDIS is?" Claudia asks.

"His spaceship," Helena says.

"My spaceship."

"No way." Claudia looks as if she's just been told everyday from now on will be Christmas.

"Yes way!" The Doctor exclaims excitedly as she claps her hands together.

"Claudia is brilliant with technology," Helena tells him.

Claudia blushes. "I don't know about brilliant..."

The Doctor steps up to her so that his face is right in front of hers. He squints at her. "You should never underestimate yourself! Everyone's brilliant. Now, let's set up a inter-space communication device!"

Claudia grins and salutes him. "Yes sir."

Mrs. Frederic has long since vanished, and immediately Helena, Claudia and the Doctor begin to tear apart the nearby computer to take the parts they know they'll need. Artie throws his arms in the air. "What are you doing?!"

Pete looks over at Myka. "Are you following this?"

"Uh, he's... going to communicate with his spaceship..." Myka says.

"Right. Are we going to help with that?"

"Mrs. Frederic said we should."

Pete blinks. "I'll get the brain replenishing donuts."

Myka watches as Claudia, Helena and the Doctor begin to rewire a computer while speaking in half-sentences. Artie stands beside them, still protesting.

"I'll help you," she tells Pete.


"How is she looking?" River yells up to Helena.

Helena tries to flip a switch again, but nothing happens. She shrugs helplessly. "I would assume she can look quite a bit better."

"Yes, yes she can," River agrees.

"Hello? Hello! Ah yes! That's done it!" The Doctor's face suddenly appears on the previously black screen of the TARDIS. River is on her feet in a second, dashing up the stairs to him.

"Doctor? What have you done?"

"This is so cool!" A girl behind him exclaims.

"Cool indeed," he agrees with a grin. "The coolest. Well, maybe not as cool as a fez but-"

"A fez? Oh man, you would rock a fez," she says. His entire face lights up.

"Claudia Donovan you are quickly becoming one of my favorite people."

"Doctor!" River interrupts. "If you don't mind the interruption to your ego stroking, what are you doing?"

He huffs. "I am sending a message from where you left me to see what's taking you so long."

"Oh so impatient. Maybe I took the TARDIS to have a bit of an intergalactic shopping spree with Helena."

"If that were true, you'd be back here showing me all your new shiny things and bragging," he says. She rolls her eyes.

"The TARDIS won't start," she admits finally. "We must have hit a temporal storm, and now the matrix won't come back online."

"Have you tried the-"


"And the-"


"What about-"

"Doctor," she sighs. "I have tried everything."

He frowns. "I can't believe you broke my TARDIS."

"I didn't break her," River says. "Honestly Doctor, one day you have to learn to share your toys."


Before he can further voice his outrage another man's face pops into view. "Is the spaceship in the background? Sweet!"

"Pete," a female voice says right before a hand wraps around his arm and tugs him back. "They're working."

The Doctor glares at her. "River, you have to get my TARDIS back."

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," she says. He rolls his eyes.

"Obviously you're fine! It's my TARDIS I'm worried about!"

"I think that was rather the point," Helena offers from behind River.

The Doctor narrows his eyes at her, but before he can speak River puts her hand up. "Sweetie, this is lovely, but are you going to keep chatting away or help us?"

"Chatting away?! Rude! Normally people are much more grateful when I set out to save them. There are thanks and hugs and kisses and sometimes cookies! You never make cookies for me!"

"I will make you all the cookies you want if you shut up and save us!"

"There's that rudeness again!"


He sighs. "Alright. But I'm doing this because I want to! And because I want my TARDIS! And because you took H.G. Wells with you!"

"Yes, dear," River agrees patiently.

"Now, first what you should do is flip that switch-"

River turns to it. "I really don't think-"

"River, trust me."

She flips the switch. Everything goes black.


The Doctor blinks when the feed cuts out. Claudia and Helena are already fiddling with the wires attached to the computer screen that lead up to a spinning umbrella and across to a bowl of fruit.

"It's no good," Helena sighs.

"Completely burnt out the circuitry," Claudia says, lifting a wire to prove her point.

He scratches his cheek.

"That was Warehouse property!" Artie grumbles.

"That, uh. That wasn't supposed to happen. Unless- no, no, of course not. It's a Tuesday. The doom button only works on Wednesdays."

"And if it's Wednesday on the TARDIS?" Helena asks.

He scoffs. "Don't be ridiculous, the TARDIS hates Wednesday. Well, she hates the doom button. Well, she hates me threatening to use the doom button to prove a point. They probably just experienced a temporal flux leftover from the storm... or..."

"Or?" Helena prompts.

He looks at her, but his eyes are unfocused. "Or, uh. Well, or they've fallen into a temporal black hole."

"Yikes," Claudia murmurs. Despite knowing very well what is or isn't happening, Helena remains stoned-faced. The Doctor wonders exactly how much time she spent around River to be able to do that.

"Yes," the Doctor agrees as he scratches his cheek again and stares at the blank screen, "yikes."


River lets out a frustrated yell at the now-black screen. "Just trust me, River," she mutters under her breath.

"Is he always like that?" Helena asks.

"Change is not his strong point," River says. She leans over the console and begins to tinker with the buttons.

"He does appear to have set up a signal that projects his image across space," Helena points out.

"He's the most brilliant man in all of time and space," River agrees. "Unfortunately, he's also the most frustrating."

"So even alien men have those faults. Dare I apply the faults universally to all males?"

River smiles, her mind temporarily taken from their dire position. "Not to the entire universe, no. The concept of gender doesn't even exist in some cultures, but to the Doctor? Yes, apply away."

Helena smiles back. "What now? Wait for him to contact us again and sit by?"

There's a pause between them before both women laugh at the one thing neither of them is capable of doing - waiting.

"Look here," River says, "I'll show you how to set up communication with him again while I figure out how to- oh. Oh."


"I should have seen it before." River turns to look at Helena. "How do you feel about transporting matter across time and space?"

"Thrilled?" Helena replies. River grins.

"Come here and help me."


The Doctor is pacing back and forth in the Warehouse's office. Artie and Claudia have gone to check a disturbance in one of the aisles, leaving Pete, Myka and Helena to watch him pace. He turns on his heels to Helena.

"You have to tell me what to do."

She shakes her head. "I can't."

"You can. I need to get River back, and you too."

"I'm already here," she says.

"But you won't be! You could be erased completely with one false move."

"Is that true?" Myka speaks up.

Helena looks back at her. "Theoretically, yes."

"Helena-" Myka says, her voice losing its steadiness.

From behind them Pete mumbles something around a mouthful of donut.

"Yeah," Myka agrees with his mumbles. "Why aren't you listening to the Doctor? Isn't he the expert on... whatever this is?"

"Yes," Helena agrees. "He is."

"So?" Myka demands.

"I can't tell him," Helena replies. The Doctor throws his arms up in the air.

"Your very existence hangs in the balance!" he says, but Helena knows without a doubt that this anger isn't about her - it's about River.

"She's going to be fine," Helena promises him. "She's told me that you have the brightest mind in the entire universe. Time to put it to use."

He puffs his chest out. It's absolutely ridiculous, but the look in his eyes is determined. "Right. I'll need a cellular phone and a laptop to get in contact with them and I need to figure out-" he stops.

"Doctor?" Helena asks.

"Oh, of course!" He slaps himself on the forehead. "Stupid. It's so simple." He pulls the sonic screwdriver out of the inside of his coat and tosses it in his hand. "Where's that laptop?"

The Doctor has just set up the laptop and the cell phone together and created a signal, when River's face pops onto his screen. He blinks. "I didn't finish sending out the signal to-"

Helena beams from over River's shoulder. "I did that for you."

"Doctor," River says.

"River, I've figured it out," he says.

"We need the sonic screwdriver," she says.
"You need the sonic screwdriver," he says at the same time.

"The matrix isn't functioning because part of the blast reverberated into the sonic and with that bit it'll be able to-" he continues.

"Restart," she finishes. "I've set up a relay for it, but you need to connect to it."

He frowns. "Setting up that sort of technology would-"

"I've got you covered!" Claudia yells as she enters the room. Everyone turns to look at her. "Sorry, I overheard you, brought this."

"I don't recognize that," Helena says, looking at what looks to be some version of a radio.

"No, it's a newer artifact," Claudia says. "Gene Coon's communicator."

Myka snaps her fingers. "That locks into a signal and sends items along them."

"Exactly," Claudia says.

The Doctor gets to his feet and hugs Claudia before kissing her on each cheek. He whirls back to face River.

"I'm sending it over now."

"There will probably be a slight delay," River says.

His eyes narrow at her. "River-"

"Oh, it'll only take a few moments to get the artifact. You won't even know the difference."

"I'm a timelord! I always know."

"What's that, dear? I can't hear you, you're cutting out."

With that she's gone. The Doctor rolls his eyes and whirls around to look at Pete.

Pete looks as if he's about to be told he's in big trouble. The Doctor says, "Are those like jammy dodgers?"

"They're less British and more filled with fat," Pete replies. He offers one to the Doctor.

The Doctor bites into it and grins. "Donuts! Brilliant. I love donuts. Donuts are cool."


River and Helena are both completely covered in dirt with a side of alien goo when they finally leave Warehouse 12 after safely depositing the artifact and go back to her home.

"Must we part so soon?" Helena asks.

"We could travel time and space together," River says, "but not yet."

"Spoilers?" Helena asks.

"Spoilers," River agrees. "Besides, I heard you promise Christina a whole day. We can't let her wait around, can we?"

Helena smiles. "I would miss her. Perhaps when she's old enough we can all travel together. Oh, the stories I'll be able to tell her after today."

River smiles back, and is glad Helena is already looking away from her and opening the door. She always did recognize River's false smile.

Helena turns in the doorframe after opening the door. "Until next time, River Song."

"Goodbye, Helena."


After a feast of junk food with Claudia and Pete at the bed and breakfast, the TARDIS sounds from outside the house. "Right," he says, getting to his feet and straightening his tie. "Claudia, you are brilliant. Pete, you're a master of food."

Claudia grins. "Here's another thing I can check off my geek check-list, met an alien."

"Yeah, feel free to sneak in any time," Pete adds.

The Doctor travels through the house, looking for Helena so he can say his goodbyes properly. As he reaches the bedrooms he sees her through an open door, standing beside Myka.

"How could you never tell me this?" Myka asks.

"I'm sure there are plenty of things you haven't told me about your life," Helena replies.

"Not like that! You said physical time travel wasn't even possible, and-"

"I said I couldn't figure it out," Helena replies. She sighs and her shoulders slouch. "I'm sorry, Myka. I should have told you, but I wasn't sure you'd even believe it."

"Have you seen where we work?" Myka replies. Then, softer, "Besides, I'd always believe you."

"That is quite a downfall of yours," Helena replies.

"Helena," Myka warns. "You've redeemed yourself a million times over. How much more do you have to do?"

Helena shakes her head. "I didn't mean-"

"You did." Myka shakes her head, puts a hand on her forehead. "You could have disappeared from existence today. That's a new one."

Helena reaches out and holds Myka's hand, rubs a thumb along the back of it. "I'm here."

Myka moves forward and hugs her. Helena shifts Myka's hair back with her and wraps a hand around her neck, holds her close. She kisses Myka's forehead.

The Doctor thinks the moment is quite touching - until Myka sees him, squeaks, and separates from Helena.

Helena turns to look at him and smiles, even as Myka is left to blush beside her. "Ah, Doctor. I heard the TARDIS a moment ago. Time to part ways, then?"

"Afraid so," he agrees. "I wouldn't be surprised if you ended up in my TARDIS again, H.G. Wells."

"Nor would I," Helena agrees, smiles. "Don't be too long."

"Never," he agrees. A loud noise emits from outside. "Ah, that's River. Always so impatient."

"Goodbye, Doctor."

"So long, Helena."


"Did you have fun on your little outing?" he asks after he shoos her away from the console and takes control of the TARDIS back.

"I did," River replies. A small smile forms on her lips. "Thanks for that."

"Thanks? You took her without my permission!"

"Except you knew very well that's what I would do, and you didn't program the sonic to tell her to come back to you. Which you could have done," River says.

The Doctor huffs and turns away from her, but not before she catches the pink tint of his cheeks. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Never," she agrees, walking over to him and kissing his cheek. He pulls back from her and looks at her, smiles. Then he whirls on his feet and claps his hands.

"Where to next, then?"

River shrugs. "It's about time to get back to Stormcage."

He pouts. "River! We're in a time machine! It's not about time for anything."

"Would you miss me, dear?"

He sputters. "What? No, no. I mean yes. Well, no. I just like having you around-" she smiles, "for the TARDIS!" he amends. "So I can show her what a good driver I am comparatively," he finishes, straightens his jacket.

She shakes her head. "Still, it is time for me to-"

The TARDIS jerks.

"Doctor?" River asks, but it's clear he hasn't done anything to initiate the travel. He frowns.

"Then again, maybe you're a bad influence on the TARDIS. Make her unruly."

"Oh, I make her unruly do I? I don't know if you've looked in a mirror lately-" River begins.

The TARDIS' doors fly open. The sounds of bullets ricocheting fills the room and River is immediately on the Doctor, pushing him to the floor as some of the bullets make their way into the console room.

Helena falls inside while shooting back with Myka at her side. They shove the doors shut and Helena turns to River. "Somewhere else, now!"

River gets to her feet and begins to steer the TARDIS away from wherever they've landed.

"Bullets?!" The Doctor yells, waves his arms around. "In my TARDIS? What are you thinking?!"

"That I quite value being alive over some dings and scratches," Helena retorts.

"Dings and scratches?! Dings. And. Scratches?! Do you have any idea how the TARDIS runs-"

"Yes," Helena cuts him off. "It's been awhile, but I do rather remember wiring this contraption to contact you. Now we have a bit of a problem."

He looks between the two women, and Helena looks at Myka who is staring at the wide-open space around her. Myka turns her gaze to the Doctor, looking somewhere between amazed and completely frazzled.

"This, uh, this... man..." Myka begins uncertainly.

"A Cyberman," Helena fills in. The Doctor mouth hangs agape.

"What did you say?"

"It's a Cyberman," Helena says.

"It took our artifact," Myka finishes.

"How do you know that? How can you possibly know that? How did you even get here?" The Doctor asks Helena. She looks over at River. The Doctor glares at River.

"Haven't done it yet." River shrugs. "Future self."

"Oh, that's a fine excuse," he mutters. "Nevermind. Busy. What is a Cyberman doing on Earth? One Cyberman. They never travel alone. Did he try to convert you?" he asks.

Myka shakes her head. "Not unless converting us involves shooting us with lasers, destroying our Teslas, and deflecting bullets."

The Doctor frowns. "What would a Cyberman want with your artifact?"

"We were rather hoping you could help us with that," Helena replies. "One more adventure, Doctor? River?"

"Weren't you getting ready to go, River?" The Doctor asks. His smile gives away his teasing.

"Oh, Stormcage can wait. We're in a time machine."

The Doctor grins. "Right then. We just need to figure out why a Cyberman is on Earth, what he wants with an artifact, and all before he manages to colonize the entire planet."

"Colonize the entire planet?" Myka asks, alarmed.

"Relax dear, he and River will know what to do. He's-"

"-The Doctor. Nice to meet you. Again." The Doctor juts a hand out towards Myka. "Now, let's save the universe, shall we?"
S A R A H: dw - tardistheagonyofblank on December 13th, 2011 10:09 am (UTC)
Um, this is brilliant and wonderfully done. Everyone is so perfectly in-character. I love their interactions and just this whole fic in general.
Alytenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:48 am (UTC)
Aw, thanks. I'm glad you think so and that you liked it! :)
tarebear23tarebear23 on December 13th, 2011 11:07 am (UTC)
Oh wow! I love it! You made the crossover work so well. So well in fact that now I want to read more! :D
Alytenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:49 am (UTC)
Thank you! :) I'm glad you like it!
storywriter84: gold stars all around 2 - WH13 Claudiastorywriter84 on December 13th, 2011 03:18 pm (UTC)
This is wonderful. I love the way that Claudia and the Doctor interact. That would get into so much trouble! This is fantastic. Great job!
Alytenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:50 am (UTC)
Claudia and the Doctor would be amazing together. I'm glad you liked it! :)

(lol edited, sorry. She could be the Claudia with the Doctor, idek.)
Cimorene: exterminate!minkhollow on December 13th, 2011 03:27 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. (I will always want to know more about the Doctor and Mrs. F. Always. XD)
Alytenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:50 am (UTC)
Heee. I just imagine them on epic planet saving adventures. I'm glad you liked it!
anguauberwald: Magic Missileanguauberwald on December 13th, 2011 04:35 pm (UTC)
Doctor/River and HG/Myka?! It's like you read my little shipper mind! A thousand thanks. :)
Great story too, you capture the Doctor perfectly!
Alytenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:51 am (UTC)
Wow, thanks! I didn't think many people would ship both, so I'm glad you do. Glad you liked it!
rhyfeddu: Hg/Myka Vendettarhyfeddu on December 13th, 2011 04:48 pm (UTC)
Word for word - PERFECT.

And "Gene Coon's Communicator" gets you xtra special geek points with me. lol

Feel free to do more!
Aly: {WH13} HG Wellstenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:51 am (UTC)
Hee, thank you. I couldn't help but putting a little bit of geekiness in there. Glad you liked it!
(Deleted comment)
Aly: {WH13} HG Wellstenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:52 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it even with Doctor Who. :)
(Deleted comment)
Aly: {WH13} HG Wellstenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:52 am (UTC)
Thanks! Glad you liked it! :D
ncruuk on December 13th, 2011 09:12 pm (UTC)
I hadn't realised I was in desperate need of Helena/Doctor Who banter until you delivered this perfectly delicious bundle of goodness... my response on reading is best described as tardis-like, with the feeling of warm satisfaction this reading has given me totally disproportionate to what I expected based on the outside (when I clicked because I'll click on anything W13) which was something a bit different that was HG/Myka flavoured.

Thank you - it's a brilliant read and re-read!
Aly: {WH13} HG Wellstenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:52 am (UTC)
Hah, thank you so much! Glad it was good enough to read and re-read! :)
☮ + ♡ + ☺: doctor who - r/d; picture it backwardshihoplastic on December 14th, 2011 12:17 am (UTC)


Aly: {BSG} Adama/Roslin never give up hopetenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:53 am (UTC)
Oh, shut up.
☮ + ♡ + ☺hihoplastic on December 14th, 2011 12:36 am (UTC)
BEST EVERRRRRRRRR. God, I laughed so hard. Your dialogue is BRILLIANT. the Pete and Myka part with the donut cracked me up so bad, and Claudia!! Claudia would be an AWESOME companion omg. And I just happysighed all over the place at Helena/Myka, and of course the Doctor all nervous about River except not really except totally. And River/HG FLIRTING!! THEY TOTALLY HAD A THING IN THE PAST, RIGHT? RIGHT.

Gaaaah. You are so wonderful. IDK how you do it. Love this forever and ever. <3
Alytenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:53 am (UTC)
<333333 Glad you liked it. :)
.timepassedyouby on December 14th, 2011 03:01 am (UTC)
Ahhhhhhh I'm only in season 2 of Doctor Who, but this is perfection. You're making me even more excited to finally see River Song. :D
Alytenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:53 am (UTC)
Hee, thanks! I hope you like her when you get to her. :)
Any further questions? Ask the shrimp!: Dr Who - River Eleven Chemistrytxvoodoo on December 14th, 2011 07:03 am (UTC)
LOVE this!
Alytenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:54 am (UTC)
Thank you! :)
gateraid: Yosemitegateraid on December 14th, 2011 07:31 am (UTC)
I want to read this, but I don't think I'm far enough through Who to appreciate it :o Only just started s6, wee bit behind the 8-ball here :p
Alytenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:54 am (UTC)
Aww. I think it would be fine if you've seen the first two eps in s6 but it's your call of course. I'm a little jealous you're still getting to see Doctor Who while I wait around for the next season. ;)
rewrite6620: fourthrewrite6620 on December 14th, 2011 08:52 am (UTC)
Well, this is just brilliant.
Alytenacious_err on December 15th, 2011 03:54 am (UTC)
Thank you! :)